What Was Said?

Stop using that phrase!

angelaspeakman — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 02:42:12 +0000

So, I tried out my “it is what it is” experiment. And, I’ll tell you, it didn’t feel good. Each time I ended up using it, it was my fallback response when I was listening to someone else talk about something for which I had no genuine reply or when I had no other justification for my own questionable behavior. In two of the instances, my behavior was the culprit. In the other two instances, someone else was talking about their behavior and I wanted to cut it off. Either way, it’s a phrase that communicates, without coming out and saying it “I’m just trying to placate you and I want to move on to another topic. I have no solution or anything constructive to say, but I feel like I need to say something”.

Would it be better to say nothing? I think, especially since I felt so fake after saying it and I don’t necessarily like it when someone says it to me, that it would be better to just smile and nod. Man, oh man, language and words can be so complicated.

What does that mean?

angelaspeakman — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:36:17 +0000

Since I’ve been examining communication, I keep hearing a sentence that I don’t understand. Or maybe I just don’t want to understand it. It seems to be a common response when someone doesn’t have anything else to say. It’s like verbalizing a shoulder shrug. The phrase -

“It is what it is”.

What does this mean? Especially when it’s not the answer you’re looking for. I guess it depends on who’s saying it and in what context. I’m going to try to fit this phrase into my repertoire tomorrow at least five times. I’ll check back…

Eavesdropping in a Coffee Shop

angelaspeakman — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:43:12 +0000

I was in a coffee shop again. I like to work in coffee shops and always have. I think the biggest part of what I like about writing in coffee shops, other than the coffee, is the pressure to work hard and really focus on what’s in front of me. I could stare at the other patrons and ignore my laptop, but then I’d be the creepy girl in the corner and that may not be looked upon to kindly. I feel so strongly about where I work that I’ll drive a half-hour south just to go to a specific coffee joint.

Anyhow, as I sat in my seat, typing away, a woman came into the shop and loudly announced to everyone in the place (she was, I believe, speaking to the owner behind the counter but it was really for all to hear), “It’s so hot, I’m perspiring like a man.” Since I’ve been posting about communication, I thought this was a great example of how communication can be unclear. And, I must note, it wasn’t just what she said, it was how she said it. As if she were the only person in NJ to sweat that day. After she made this announcement, I looked up. Several other people looked up as well. Just like in the movies, we all looked at each other and shrugged in unison. Collectively, we didn’t know what it meant to ‘perspire like a man’. And this attention-seeking woman, probably had her own definition of ‘man-sweat’. Her message was unclear and it may have even been off-putting. One sentence and I instantly disliked her.

I did find an old saying when I decided to look into the meaning of this further. “Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies glow.” You’ll have to take my word for it, she wasn’t glowing.

Take notice of mistakes

angelaspeakman — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:18:05 +0000

we communicate with each other, verbal or written, we constantly correct ourselves. Spell check and self-interruptions, “wait, I didn’t mean to say that”, are daily things in our lives today. But it’s fascinating to think that one word in an important document, let’s say the Declaration of Independence, could have changed the tone and/or scope of the whole thing. Chemists and archivists discovered that Thomas Jefferson understood the importance of editing. Read on for this whole story, in which Jefferson initially wrote the word ‘subjects’ in the Declaration of Independence, thought twice, and replaced it with the word ‘citizens’.

Jefferson Made Slip in Declaration of Independence

One word and a world of difference. I’ll be paying extra attention to choosing my words carefully from now on.

Did you look at the water tower?

angelaspeakman — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 02:55:37 +0000

For everyone who couldn’t get to the Pitman water tower, here’s what it looks like now.

If you can’t make out what it says (quality of camera on phone is limited), it says “Everyone likes Pitman”. So true.

A Sign Mended my Pitman Heart

angelaspeakman — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 01:31:02 +0000

So, has recent signage brought back my love for this small town? I think so. Has anyone seen the water tower?

A Sign Hurt My Pitman Heart

angelaspeakman — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 01:28:35 +0000

Signs communicate instructions to us. They can be helpful, instructional, funny, irratating, frustrtating, and many other things. New signs cause us to step back and contemplate what we did before the sign existed.

I live in Pitman, NJ.

Many who live here believe that it’s a perfect little town. I didn’t grow up here and there are a few drawbacks (it’s a dry town, just when you really fall in love with a cute little shop-they move and something else arrives, you’re ticketed if you park on the street overnight), but overall I’ve come to love Pitman and it Norman Rockwellian appearance.

One of the phenomenon’s here that has astonished me over time is the Pitman Parade Chair Phenomenon. Granted, other things have been confusing over the years, but the Chair Phenonmenon has always been at the top. The people of this wonderful town get really excited about their holidays and events. The Fourth of July Parade is a big deal here in Pitman. When I first moved here, I saw chairs set out in the last week of June, all down Broadway and couldn’t figure out why they were there. Then the parade came and I realized the chairs were set out by folks who wanted to ensure a good seat. I’ve seen dozens, maybe even a hundred chairs up and down the main drag in the days leading up to the parade. It’s been something I’ve come to expect and enjoy about this town.

So you can imagine how sad I was when I saw this -

Now, I don’t know if this was a one time thing or if this is the way it’s going to be from now on. But the army of chairs, all didn’t shapes and sizes, some linked with rope or labeled with notes, wasn’t part of my July 4th this year. And with one little sign, which communicated a clear message took some of Pitman’s magic away.

Will be thinking about my jewelry more carefully now…

angelaspeakman — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 18:00:36 +0000

Found a great Q/A in Smithsonian magazine about nonverbal communication – all about Madeleine Albright and what the jewelry she chose communicated about her politics

Read My Pins: The Madeleine Albright Collection is now on display at the Smithsonian

Here’s the link http://j.mp/dneIKy

Effective Communication with Few Words

angelaspeakman — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 17:51:56 +0000

There was a middle-aged couple sitting at a table next to me in a coffee shop. Guy had a newspaper, Gal was flipping through a magazine. Every once in awhile, they would comment on something that one of them was reading, but for the most part, the exchange was limited. At one point, Gal put the magazine down and said something like “oh, do you know what I forget to tell you?”. I’m paraphrasing here since I could hear most of what they were saying, but not every word. Guy asked what and they had a conversation about someone they knew starting a new job and the circumstances surrounding the new position. Here’s how it went (again paraphrased) -

Guy: No, what?

Gal: Remember, Sarah from-?

Guy:Yeah, why?

Gal: Well, she was working at- (Guy nods before gal says the place)

Gal: Well, she was-(Guy nods before gal says anything else)

Gal: So now she has a new job.

Guy: Is it at-

Gal: Yup and its’s-

Guy: Exactly, we called that all along and she’ll probably-

Gal: Oh, no doubt and I wonder-

Guy: I’m sure. And if not, it’ll be-

Gal: I can’t wait to see how it all goes down

So, this exchange went on for at least 30-60 seconds. Impressive since they both seemed to have a strong understanding of the information. As an outsider, and no, I don’t think they were specifically talking in code because they knew I was eavesdropping, I had no frame of reference for anything they were talking about, but they knew exactly what they were saying. I think this type of communication can only happen with two people who are truly in sync with each other and have probably been communicating with each other for a long time. I really wanted to ask them how long they had been in a relationship, but a non-creepy opportunity didn’t arrive. I think they eventually caught on to my listening and didn’t like it.

But, isn’t communication supposed to be enjoyable and be an important part of strong relationships? Their relationship communication was so effective that they didn’t even need to verbalize what they were saying. But, doesn’t that take some of the fun of talking to another person away?

Is all communication created equal?

angelaspeakman — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 00:40:10 +0000

So, yesterday, I tallied up how many people I received or provided communication with on Saturday and the number was far higher than what I thought it would be. My guess was 18 people, but it was actually almost 100. So, I assigned a ranking system and had to think about whether each exchange is equal.

And, after some thinking – no, not all exchanges are equal. And, I’m ok with that. Some types of communication are more important than others. It’s not necessarily a comment on the other person (even though is does work out that way regarding ‘significance’ for the most part), but some stuff is just priority compared to others. But we can’t necessarily do without, nor would we want to sometimes, the less important stuff. It reminds of old episodes of ER. They couldn’t be running around saying STAT for the whole hour or we’d become burned out as viewers. And, life and the short exchanges with the guy at the post office or the quick call to your brother to remind him about dinner, they are all part of it.